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Thursday 27 November 2014

Bitches Be Procrastinating

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why on Earth did I think it a good idea to go to university and therefore be required to write multiple essays? Pretty sure that's the dumbest thing I've ever done. And I've done some pretty stupid things. See: all my other posts ever.

It's ridiculous, I shouldn't be complaining at all - especially since this essay is a mere 1500 words. That's hardly anything. I don't want to think about the exam where I'll have 2 hours to write 2 essays. I've spent a good 5 hours on this already. And that was just fucking about reading the play and finding critical essays to quote.

I'M SO BORED.

Everything in my life at this current moment in time - barring how ridiculously festive my kitchen is - is boring. Okay, seriously, the kitchen though? Looks incrediballs. I'm straining my eyes as I type just so I don't have to have the main ceiling light on and can instead bask in the magical glory of the fairy lights I hung up the other day. Our Weaselbum (Ron Weasley to you) has his Santa hat and tinsel scarf on whilst Bondydong Cabbagepatch (Benedict Cumberbatch to those as yet unenlightened to the never-ending joy of B.C nicknames) is just a big tinsel ball with an extremely handsome head.

See for yourselves:


This is my beloved Princess Sparkle (please tell me someone gets the O.C. reference) with her trusty tequila sombrero. What, you're telling me that other people have stars or angels on top of their Christmas trees? Amateurs.
Also note creepy Channing in the background. Not seen are his carefully crafted devil horns that I made from a Post-It note for Halloween. God, I'm artistic.



Denzel is the newest addition to our humble abode. When the Christmas/Birthday Tree isn't there (we put it up on our birthdays and put presents underneath. Well, the birthday fairy does. Birthday Trees are a thing. I refuse to believe otherwise. When it's Christmastime, we put baubles and Princess Sparkle on it. Because logic) there was just a big space. So I found Denzel at work and decided he must be mine. Because why wouldn't you? He's marvellous.


This wall is shit. It's too big, you can't make it look good. But yes, there's Weaselbum looking magnificent as always. He's a bit like the Mona Lisa because his eyes follow you wherever you stand. It's only creepy if you think about it too much.


And here we have Bendydick Crumplesnatch. Guarding my empty wine bottles. Which I keep on the windowsill to remind me which wine is the good wine and therefore which wine to keep an eye out for in Morrisons should it ever fall under £6 again. RIP that awesome week when all the fancy wine was crazy cheap. I don't remember much of that week.
Also, above Buttercup Cumberbum is our chalkboard. Which some hilarious person cleverly named The Cumberboard. Seriously, why more people don't want to live with me, I have no idea.


My pride and joy which I skipped an English class to put up. No regrets. Our kitchen is bloody beautiful and looks like fairyland. IT LOOKS LIKE FAIRYLAND AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE. My flatmates don't realise how lucky they are to live with me. You wait, when we move out, they'll be sitting in their new flats just sadly staring at all the empty space that could have been filled by fairy lights and cardboard men. Cardboard men. What's not to love?


If you say anything about the washing up, I will be so mad. I have an essay to write godammit, I can't do everything.


Okay, I think I have successfully procrastinated enough. Really I just wanted to show everyone my decorations because no one else seems to appreciate them. I'm starting to believe there is no one in this world as festive as me. 

And if you dare say anything about how it's not even December and therefore I shouldn't be decorating, you can take a long stick and shove it where the sun don't shine. Unless you're into that, in which case I shall think of another more suitable punishment. I believe that decorating is allowed from the 25th of November and so we'll hear no more about it. Right, bugger off you kinky fucks. I have an essay to complete.

Oh! One last thing - I recently (2 hours ago) rediscovered my love of Riverdance and this may or may not be the reason I have done fuck all in the past while (2 hours)...


You are so welcome for this. 
Michael Flately 4 Lyf.






4 comments:

  1. Yesterday was Thanksgiving 'round here...other than eating yourself silly and watching football, it's also the green light for Christmas decorating. So, you're right on time.

    These decorations are right on time too and if you're roommates don't like it...you should put their s*** on the curb.

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    1. Ah man I'm so jealous - that's when you eat a crapload of food right? I just ate Dominos pizza for every meal today. I don't know if that's the best day or the worst...

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  2. OK, you have to tell me where you got that life size Ron Weasley, and you have to tell me RIGHT NOW

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    1. GET YOUR ARSE ON AMAZON BECAUSE YOU CAN GET HARRYS AND HERMIONES TOO. I was so tempted by an Emma Watson, I really was. But then I realised that every time I went into the kitchen, I would be confronted by her perfection and I mean, I go into the kitchen in the morning to get coffee - I look like a human potato in the morning. I don't want to compare myself with Emma Watson whilst looking like a human potato. You know?

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