Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Hormones and Lumbersexuals

There's a storm outside. I hate storms. Especially since somewhere in our bathroom, there is a spot that appears to be letting in most of the storm. Not the rain, thank fuck, but I had a bath with a decidedly howling wind in my right ear.

I am so hormonal right now. It's horrible. I had a shitty day at work - we lost the key to the high value cabinet and - surprise surprise - I was the last one to have it so I was getting in trouble about it and I could've cried. And I was shivering all day and was hungover in the morning and it was just shit. Also hormonal me is not doing well on the saving money front. I've decided I need to start - slowly - saving up some money for when I have to become slightly more grown up in 2 and a half years and leave uni. Because unfortunately, when you're not a student, you don't get student loans any more.

But hormonal me has done a marvellous job of removing some of these savings to spend £80 on Space NK and a further £60 on Etsy. The terrible thing is that I only bought 3 candles on Etsy. Bloody American shipping prices. I also bought 2 candles on Space NK. I am officially nesting. It's what happens when hormonal me shows up. I nest. And I suddenly become a lot more grown up and start wanting to find a husband and have kids and a house and be a housewife who is the tits at cooking and I want all of this in the next 3 years. Hormonal me sucks. Hormonal me somehow doesn't want to go travelling and get more tattoos and mess around with inappropriate men and have amazing times with her friends like normal me does. Nooooo hormonal me wants the husband. And a mortgage. And yes, all of this is from buying candles.

Nah, hormonal me is just a dick who doesn't know what she wants. It's right fun being a girl. I'm restless enough as it is. I'm just so bored of my life right now. I want a change up. But I don't know what change up I want. I don't know how to start changing it up. Maybe I should start yoga?

Oh god, Augustine stayed over last night. None of the sex stuff. Just sleeping. And it was wrong. Why on Earth did I think it was a good idea to get him round and drink lots? It was a terrible idea. In the morning - and when I woke up in the night - I had the exact feeling I had with Troy. It just felt all kinds of wrong. Ugh, shuddery gross no way wrong. And I told him that via text this evening. Via text because I really wanted to get it over with. And he was such a little bitch about it. Trying to engineer the conversation so it looked like I was being all tragic and pulling away from him for his own good. When really I am just not interested. I admitted that yes, it was a dick move to lead him on and that was my bad. I apologised. But he knew I was a dick to decent guys. I told him that straight away. Ugh. Anyway, that's all over and done with. Thank you very much move on now.

I recently did a quiz on Buzzfeed. Because who wouldn't? Buzzfeed is the ultimate time wasting site. Anyway, it was a quiz to see what man style turned me on or something. And I got 'Lumbersexual'. Okay for starters, let's just appreciate the word 'lumbersexual'. I mean. Yes. And the description was thus:

You like a man that is in touch with his masculinity. Nothing is more attractive than a grizzled ruggedness that comes from being outdoors. With a guy that’s macho and handsome, why would you want anyone else?

Holy fuck. I want that right now. I want to be in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere but the middle of nowhere is covered in snow. And I'm curled up in front of the fire with a hot drink and am all cosied up in pjs (I just bought a pair of pj bottoms from Long Tall Sally. They have a 36 inch leg. They will be too long for me. I have never experienced that. I'm so excited for my ankles to be warm). And I will have a lumbersexual man coming in with a big pile of wood he's just chopped in a very manly way. And he will be all beardy and wonderful. Although maybe not precisely like this image that you get when you Google 'lumbersexual':

I don't like how he holds his axe. A bit too serial killer if you ask me.

I really need to go to bed. I'm getting too involved Pinteresting log cabins and beards. This can only spiral downwards.

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