Tuesday, 9 December 2014

A Prostitute Mrs Weasley

I have my date with Tall Australian tonight. In approximately 4 hours and 45 minutes. Holy fuck I am getting more and more nervous.

It's raining at the moment which is kinda shit cos we were planning on going for a walk on the beach before going for a drink but no doubt it'll be crazy windy at the beach too so don't think that'll be a hot look for me - 'windswept and interesting' as my mother would say. 'Mascara running everywhere and high possibility of snot mixing with rain on face' is what I'd say. Aren't I a catch?

We'll be walking into town though which is only 10 minutes away from my flat. I always think walking is a good thing to do. You can't really have awkward silences on a walk. Can you? I don't think so because you can be like, 'oh look at all the Christmas lights' or 'doesn't the tree look cool' or 'there's a homeless man fighting with a seagull' and therefore the silence is filled. It's definitely not as awkward as sitting opposite each other at a table with nothing to say.

I'm hoping it goes well - if just to complete this fairytale string of events. I can't see a future in this, mainly because I'm worried he'll find out how old I am and decide he's way too mature for me (a la LB). However, unlike LB, this could be legitimate as I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be about 30. I hate being a teenager. It all sounds very different when you can say 'I'm twenty'. Having a '-teen' at the end of your age immediately downgrades you into youth territory. I refuse to be a youth.

We hardly know each other, Tall Australian and I, so I doubt they'll be too many silences. He sounds interesting anyway. South African (intriguing - what's he doing here? Does he have a South African wife hidden in a cupboard?), in the oil industry (score - possibility of becoming a rich oil man. Also might explain why he's here) but not in it for the money - instead in it for the travel (also score), a surfer (hot), used to take night walks on the beach when he lived closer....

Speaking of nightly beach walks, I went there last night and - not to try and read too much into this or anything - but there were a fuck tonne of stars. And the moon was bloody gorgeous - one of those times where there are hardly any waves so the light of the moon spills onto the water and makes it look like you could just walk onto it and into the distance. Is there a name for that? Moon road?

I must go and shave my legs now. They have been happily hidden away for Winter but now is the time to get them all nice and smoothy smooth again. I know they most definitely won't be getting out of my jeans but it's always nice to know that you have smoothy smooth girly legs. You know, makes you feel less like a yeti.

I've calmed myself down by writing this. Something about writing your thoughts down has the effect of getting them all out your brain so you can come back to them at a later date. Hopefully this means all my nerves will be down on paper and I will be carefree and happy on this date tonight. Fingers crossed.

I'm arranging a Skype call with Tiny Friend when she gets in from work as we need to discuss hair/make up/clothes and I need her to use all her imagination to 'smell' my various perfume choices from 100 miles away and over the internet. I am such a perfume whore. To be fair, only 6 of them are full size, the other 12 are minis or sample sprays... And I've decided I don't want to wear one that I would've worn for LB or TGI - one that screams 'TAKE ME NOW, I AM A SEXUAL BEING, CAN YOU NOT SMELL MY SEXUALITY, I'VE GOT NICE PANTS ON AND EVERYTHING' because that's not the vibe I want to give off. I think I've narrowed it down to 3. They give off more of a safe, comforting vibe - one's floral and the other two are vanilla. So I'll smell more like a potential housewife than stripper. Not to exaggerate or anything.

Right, I need to stop rambling and tend to my legs. Sophie will be back from her exam soon so she can help with the hair/make up/clothes/perfume situation. Because I can assure you that, left to my own devices, I would end up looking like some kind of prostitute Mrs Weasley.

On that note... Sorry.


  1. You're gonna kill are winning right now.

    Remember he's the one who stalked you...well you were waiting for him but, he's the one that made all the effort. He's the one that should be nervous.

    1. Bless your face, sweetheart. I needed to hear that.