Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Being A Sentimental Fuck (Bear With)

It's the last day of 2014 and it's a bit weird. I feel like so much has happened this year but it's all gone by in a blur. So I thought I'd get all sentimental and look back at all the shit that's gone down.

In list form (bloody love lists):

  • 1 blog started
  • 1 flat acquired
  • 2 cardboard men purchased and standing in aforementioned flat's kitchen
  • 4 men (debatable) slept with
  • 1 boyfriend had
  • 1 boyfriend lost
  • 3 trips abroad
  • 3 different hair colours worn
  • 1 university year over
  • 1 university year started
  • 1 job lost
  • 1 job gained

There's actually a few things I'd like to look at in a bit more depth (my blog, my rules).

This whole year has been a year of trying to find myself. I know, I'm as grossed out by that as you probably are. It's very Eat Pray Love of me and for that I apologise. But I started this blog with the intention of sorting some things out in my mind. I thought that, if I put them down into words (which is what I do best), then I could clear out a bit of space in my head. And you know what? It's really helped. 

It's helped me be truthful about how I feel about the men flitting about my year:

I had the rose coloured glasses snatched off my face by TGI in May. And I'm quite proud to say that, after a minor fallback in September, I have not seen him since nor have I had the desire to see him. He was good for me at the time and I don't mind that what happened... Happened. And despite everything, he is a genuinely decent guy at heart. I just hope he starts to show that sooner rather than later.

Around the same time, I started an actual relationship with Troy. I had a legitimate boyfriend for about 2 months... And I realised that I wasn't cut out for it at the moment. At least not with a man I had zero sexual attraction for. But bless him, he remained sweet to me until the very end. Even after I was a world class dick to him. Troy is a lovely, lovely man and I really hope he finds someone who will appreciate that a whole lot more than I did. That was not a good moment - realising just how much of a manipulative arsewank I was. 

Sidebar: Isn't 'arsewank' the greatest? My gorgeous girlyfriends and I think we made it up last night. I feel we should be knighted or something for our contribution to humankind.

Then, we reach LB. Are you tired of hearing about him yet? To be quite honest, I'm a little bit tired of writing about him. He broke my heart when I never wanted anything to do with him. I suppose sometimes you just can't control who your heart decides to fall for. As gross as that sounds, I do kinda get what they talk about in the books and the films. Heartbreak - in my case, coming from something unrequited - is shit. But in a way, I'm pleased it happened. Just like I'm pleased TGI happened and, to a lesser extent, Troy. It showed me that I actually could feel something for someone. Something I had, quite honestly, dismissed as gross and stupid. But hey, here's to a 2015 with (little to) no mention of LB.

And finally, someone that I am not pleased happened. My 'fairytale' with Tall Australian/South African. Let's just move on from that. Quite frankly, my lower body does not want to remember that.

But you all know about that. You've read about my man dilemmas and have been very helpful and kind about it. I mean, fuck, I never thought I'd have even one reader! So - only because I'm feeling all sentimental - I want to say thank you. Thank you for listening and being there for me - even from computers from miles and miles away - because the comments you leave really cheer me up. They honestly do.

So here's to 2015. Happy New Year you gorgeous fucks xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Gorgeous f***?...Oh, that's gotta be me.

    I'm just glad I've found another (of very few) blogs that are readable...hilariously readable.

    Happy New Year Ma'am.