Friday, 11 April 2014

A Little Bit Different

You know what I want? I want to be that free spirited girl that is the complete opposite to her private school guy. Not in a hippy dippy way - ask my gorgeous boho friend and she'll tell you that describing me as 'hippy' is as far away from the truth as it is possible to get.

No, by free spirited I mean the type of girl that embraces life to the fullest. Who loves the small things - the scent of fresh air that comes through a window when you open it for the first time in the morning, the elderly man who sits on a bench in the park she walks through every day and whistles along to the music he listens to on his iPod, the huge sky that spreads over the horizon when she goes to the beach to stare out at the sea and the feeling that she is literally on the edge of the country and that life is stretching out before her.

I know right. A bit of a shift from previous posts.

But I've just got this picture in my head. I'm with TGI and I'm dragging him out to the sand on the beach and running away from the waves. And although he's reluctant, he sees just how happy I am and that makes him happy.

And yes, I'm talking about the complete arsehole that I'm currently sleeping with. You can tell I was an only child with a vivid imagination, can't you? I was re-reading a Facebook conversation with someone I used to be friends with and he said that you couldn't be a romantic if 'you just hook up with people'. I beg to differ with that.

AAAARGGGGHHH! This is all too much to deal with! Quick! Look at possibly my favourite picture ever:

Image c/o this fabulous Buzzfeed post.

Aaaaand we're back. Only for a short bit - I promise.

See, I believe in love. I believe in romance. And I believe in everything that happens in a Hugh Grant film. I have constructed intricate scenarios in my mind in which I meet my perfect man and everything is just wonderful. And - because I am ridiculously dramatic - I have awful scenarios where something terrible happens to this imaginary man and I almost bring myself to tears in real life.

But I could never be in a relationship right now. It's this idea of commitment that I am terrified of. But I've also imagined being married - even with kids. And I say 'even' because I can't deal with children at all. Unfortunately they tend to love me. But they're just way too much responsibility and tears. And they're just so bloody small.

You can see the way my mind works, can't you? Tangents going off all over the place.

But this idea of being free and being the girl that smiles at the littlest things is just so appealing. But is it something that is just too hard to achieve?

I'm going to try and prove that wrong.

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