Where Have I Been?!

Omg we went on holiday last month and it was the actual tits. 

We went to Turkey for a week ALL INCLUSIVE because we are FANCY FUCKS and it was the bestest. We went to mud baths and are fresh crab on a boat and saw sea turtles and rock tombs and ancient roman towns in 40'C heat and sat by the pool with beer and books and went horse riding and walked through a gorge and holy shit it was so good.

Being able to get away from work and Southampton and general worries about life was incredible. We hadn't realised how much we needed it. It also made me want to go and move abroad (lol Paris) because CLEARLY everyone is their best self when in the sun. But anyway it was fab and we're going to Budapest in September which will also be highly excellent (also almost exactly 2 years since the last time I went with Gregor... Much hilair.)

Also Ryan turned 21 in June and we went to Poole and played mini golf and went out for dinner which is what you do when you are a youth. We also learned I am terrible at golf, mini or otherwise. 

                               

                              

                              

AND YES I MADE A CAKE ALL BY MYSELF BECAUSE UP YOU RYAN I CAN DO BAKING TOO. I was so proud. It was so good. 

Also more excitement because Eskie has totally lost weight and is like a new cat. He's all springy and playful and keeps bunny hopping everywhere because he doesn't have a big wodge of fat anymore to slow him down. I mean, he's still not a model but he's not at obese death's door so there's that. 

                            

                            

                            

MY FAVOURITE PHOTOS EVER. HE IS SO UNATTRACTIVE WHEN HE SLEEPS.

I'm all excited about this month too because I'm seeing actual friends! Real life friends! They do exist! Holly's coming to stay for a night and then Chris is here for the weekend so we can go out and so socialising! I don't just have to see Ryan's face! I can see other faces! I love other faces!

Although hi, I've been going to book group like my mother. Im not even ashamed because it's so good. Except everyone just drinks tea when I really think it would be a lot better with wine but hey that's just me being an alcoholic... But fo realz I can bring out my 1 3/4 years of English literature degree knowledge and talk shit about symbolism. So there's that.

Anyway anyway anyway everything's started to go quite well. Ryan's still looking for another job but, unless we move away from here, I'll be made temporary manager in November when my current manager goes on maternity leave. So that'll look good on my newly sexed up CV that I've spent HOURS on making it look the primest. 

Yeah so, we good. We all good.

                             

Life Lately

I am such a hormonal mess right now. Just one giant hormone floating about trying to make its way in this cruel cruel world.

So I've barricaded myself on the sofa with Eskie under my Harry Potter blanket. I have had hot chocolate for breakfast. I have spent a good few hours feeling sad that I have no money and therefore can't even afford to spend a night in one of the apartments on Paris Perfect. WHY WON'T THE WORLD LET ME HAVE A FLAT WITH A BALCONY, AN EIFFEL TOWER VIEW AND A FREE STANDING BATH?

Just look at it. I cry.

So now I'm diverting my attention away from Paris (lol jk it's always open in at least 3 tabs) and onto The Great Job Hunt. The joys. 

Since we have decided that Ryan is going to leave his job, everything has gotten a bit topsy turvy. If Ryan leaves his job, we have to move elsewhere. This also means I have to get a new job (LITERALLY NO COMPLAINTS HERE WHATSOEVER. LEAD ON MCDUFF). So while this is all rather exciting because new jobs! New place! New sofas that aren't covered in cat wee! It's also a bit of a pain in the arse.

Ryan's fine. He's got his little world of boats to find jobs in. I, on the other hand, have the entire huge world of every other job under the sun. Ish. Obvs I'm not becoming a rocket scientist so let's be realistic.

I want out of retail. I definitely want out of this job as it's making me sad and angry and I just can't afford enough wine to be constantly sad and angry. And that's about as far as I've got. I just can't narrow it down! My dream job requirements are thus so far:

- Well paid (at least higher pay than I get now. Not hard. Sob).

- Flexible with days off or shift work (because Ryan will be doing shifts and I do occasionally want days off with him and all).

- Not in a shop (please for the love of all that is holy, not in a shop).

- Ability to work at least half the time in Paris with unlimited budget in regards to flats and pastries (please and thank you).

I have no clue how to start looking. There's just so much and I can't narrow it down. But hey ho. Please help.

In other news, we had a rather lovely week last week. We went to Lymington and had ice cream by the water. Then we went out on date night and I wore a dress. I have zero photos of these events because apparently I decided my memory was good enough. Lol no.

The last photo I have of us is when we watched the Grand National and had to turn the TV up because Eskie was snoring so loudly on my lap.

Just visible white fluffball.

I keep meaning to take more photos that aren't solely of the cat but it's proving difficult. We have so many photos from our France roadtrip and Paris and whatnot but now we're being settled and old, I don't have as many and that makes me sad. I'll just add it to the list of things what I should do in my spare time along with learning more French, learning piano again, getting a keyboard to do learning on and pilates.

So the point of this is: find me a job and become my personal photographer thank you.

Finally A True Cat Lady

Hello! Tis I! The useless blogger! Remember me?!

Today, lovely people, I would like you to meet Eskie.

OMG WE HAVE A CAT NOW AND HOW HAVE I NOT DOCUMENTED THIS AT ALL EVER HERE?!!!!!!!!

 HE IS THE FLUFFIEST FATTEST BALL OF SMOOSH THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. I HAVE NEVER FELT A LOVE LIKE THIS.

We got him from the RSPCA (or, as I like to think of it, he was gifted to us from the gods above) about 3 months ago. The nice RSPCA lady/god told us that he was called Perry and had actually been rescued from a drug den.

I know!! This stupid wonky eyed fluffball had been a drug lord's pet. To be fair, he probably was THE drug lord.

It was actually Ryan who first spotted him as I had already decided I really wanted a black cat and so I didn't even bother looking at any others.

This was taken the night we brought him home. Safe to say, he loves Ryan a lot.

We've put him on a bit of a diet and exercise regime as he's rather on the large side. He's not quite into the whole exercise thing yet...

We named him Eskie which is short for Escobar which is in turn short for Pablo Escobar. The famous drug lord. Right?!! RIGHT?!! Hilarious.

Last picture, I promise.

He is my sweet baby child and the love of my life. He is also in a grump because he loves sitting on the laptop and I pushed him off to write this.

Cat lady dreams have been realised.

Happy New Year And All That

What is UP fuckers? Happy New Year!! Merry Christmas!! Everything has finally slowed down enough for me to have the time to write again. Also I'd completely forgotten I even had a blog until about 3 hours ago.

So where were we, where were we?

I left Paris! I left Paris over a month ago and it's a little bit sad and a little bit weird. I miss it every now and then - I even miss the girls! Actual children! But then again, I have the bestest of lives at the moment.

I'm now living in Southampton with Ryan and it is the tits. Well not Southampton as such because bitches be real; it's not Paris. Living with A BOY is working out rather wonderfully. We have an adorable house with a garden and - get this - we're going to get a cat this month. A REAL LIFE CAT THAT WILL BE OURS AND HOLY SHIT I AM SO EXCITED I MIGHT WEE.

It's so weird and grown up having a house. Especially an unfurnished house so we've had to raid Gumtree for furniture. But I'm pretty pleased at how it's turned out so far.

The before... (and the handyman).

And the after...

We Christmassed the fuck up.

Christmas was actually really rather excellent. Because I had two. I had one very hectic actual Christmas with my family in Lincoln. 12 of us, 4 dogs and a cat in one house was a bit much for me so it was so nice to come home to Southampton with Ryan and have our own quiet Christmas. Ryan cooked and we stayed in our dressing gowns like old ladies practically all day.

I also had very wonky eyebrow game. Sisters not twins right? Very very distant sisters. Like, sisters who never really got on because one turned into a goth when she hit high school and the other was super popular.

Also we legitimately look horrendous in any photo I take of us because Ryan is so enormous (see: my arms stretched all the way out and up) and so it's an awful angle. How dare he.

I have an actual proper grown up job now too. Like, a 35 hour fo realz one. It's still in retail though which is a bit soul destroying but it's back at my old charity and I've been promoted to Assistant Manager so there's that. Ryan works funny hours as a VTS Operator (I have no idea either) so we saw each other for approximately 10 seconds today as he was in the car driving to work and I was walking home from work. 

He gets lots of days off though so we're trying to time them so we're both off and can go and do adorable things together like walks in the woods and Dunelm shopping trips and GO TO RSPCA RE-HOMING CENTRES TO LOOK FOR CATS and all the fun shit. Life's pretty damn good.

But now I'm back in ye olde Englande (and living here for the first time since I was about two) it is becoming clear to me that I am very friendless. I would even go as far to say ALL the friendless. Everyone I know is back in Scotland and I miss having friends. I mean, Ryan's all fun and games and has an excellent bottom but sometimes you need to have friend catch ups over wine with friends and wine...

So here is me putting out a friend lonely hearts advert. I'm fun to drink alcohol with and occasionally drink coffee before alcohol with and even better drink coffee and alcohol combined with. Someone please befriend me. I'm all the fun. And soon I'll have a cat. What more could anyone want?!!

So how was your Christmas? And New Year? And will anybody be my friend and/or give me a cat?